People Tell Us About Their First Time Masturbating (Vice)

People Tell Us About Their First Time Masturbating

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You learn a few things spending a week talking to people about the first time they masturbated; Straight guys remember it well. Who could forget that first eruption and the sticky cleanup situation it left them in. Whether they spoke to their friends about rubbing one out or not, they were all continually reminded of it. The first boner, masturbation session, and the messy cleanup of young men are welcome comedy tropes. Even if you wanted to wipe the moment from your mind, Jason Bigg’s face from American Pie wouldn’t let you.

But for some of us, the event is often less defined. Most of the women interviewed for this piece couldn’t point to an exact event. Rather, they remembered rubbing on couch arms, squirming against mattresses, and grinding blindly into each. Personally, I don’t remember the first time I masturbated. I’m not being coy, I’ve tried, it’s a blur of tightly crossed legs, Party of Five episodes and oversized soft toys.

But I do remember the rush of guilt that always flooded in after. I’d lie there, flushed and ashamed, promising myself and Jesus I’d never do it again. Obviously, I’d always break, first slowly—I can only do it once a week, maybe twice—then I’d crumble—who cares, I’m already going to hell. But two decades later it makes me kind of sad I don’t remember that first time. So much is placed on the first time you have sex—yes, it’s a defining moment that can inform future sexual encounters. But personally, the first time masturbating seems like the real identity forming experience. There is no other person to please or perform for, no one else’s expectations to entangle with your own. It’s just you, sweaty, silent, and begging that one day you’ll get a chance to show Scott Wolf the moves you’ve been practicing on your pillow.

Ned*, 24

I remember my first masturbation experience vividly. I was 13 years old and it was Saturday night. I was home alone watching a film called Betty Blue. It was about a volatile woman and her boyfriend or something but that doesn’t matter because the only thing that mattered was the full frontal nudity. Once the main actor’s penis was out, I remember scrambling to the VHS player to see if I could record it so I had something to refer back to in the future. I was too slow though, and was left aroused and frustrated.

I didn’t have the patience to wait until the next nude scene, so I started channel surfing to find some more material. A rugby game was on, so after about five minutes of watching these burly men clash into each other, I excused myself to the toilet and started jerking off.

Having a nurse for a mother meant that all of my sex education was from a medical and functional perspective, so I had absolutely no idea about masturbation. But I knew from school that if you touched yourself long enough, stuff would come out. After about four and a half strokes I was finished and I knew from that moment on I wanted to masturbate 24/7 for the rest of my life.

Martha, 31

The first time I felt the humble yet powerful joys of masturbation was creepily during Saturday tennis. I jumped on my tennis racket like a horse and rode it around just being a goof ball, and BAM! It was a very new feeling. I was pretty young; I was like 12 or something. Is that young? Anyway, it was a strange and incredible mystery to which I returned from there on. I think I thought the tennis racket had something to do with the sensation though, and I may or may not have associated pleasure with a tennis racket until I figured the whole thing out.

Jason, 26

I don’t know if I’d call it masturbating the first time I did it; it ended in an orgasm so I guess it was. I’d worked out that having my erection run against my inner thigh felt nice and I knew that in the middle of my dad’s magazines there were a couple of hidden naughty magazines. One day, when my family was all out, I started reading one of them and wedging my penis against my thigh. It felt warm and nice and then all of a sudden it just felt too nice, and I finished all over my school shorts. I wasn’t even touching myself, it was a complete surprise, it happened in the middle of the family room. I finished all over the floor through the bottom of my shorts.

Then I had to clean it up and put my clothes in the wash. I’d literally just finished when my whole family came home. Still, it felt great. I just kept thinking about how I could do it better.

But I didn’t see it coming at all. After that, I figured out I liked that kind of thing, so I pursued that avenue of puberty.

Isobel, 27

I actually don’t remember. I can see how that might sound like I’m lying but I really can’t. I would approximate that I was about 14 when I started though, so I was a bit of a late bloomer. I wasn’t a particularly sexual kid during puberty, I was more of a more romantic. I fantasized about like, falling in love, and kissing people rather than anything erotic or hot. Which is a bit weird. I didn’t even really enjoy masturbating all that much—it always felt a bit forced, like a means to an end—until I broke my ankle and my best friend bought me a vibrator to help pass the time. I was stuck in bed, not able to have sex with anyone. That was the like "oh, shit, I get it now" moment. God bless the vibrator.

Jennifer, 24

I can’t really remember my first time, or what made me want to do it. It’s interesting, sex isn’t something you’re told about until middle school or high school, so masturbating is something you discover alone. It’s one of the only sexual things that you don’t get told how to do, it’s kind of cool that everyone comes to the same end point. It would have probably been over boys at school; I probably crushed on boys and just thought about them. I do know my attitude towards it was just thinking, this feels good. I didn’t have any shame, I wasn’t like, this is a bad thing. I don’t think I knew what it was, so I didn’t have any reference to be ashamed of. I was brought up in a family where you would never shame someone for that anyway.

Not that I was like super cool about it, I thought it was fine but the thought of talking to people about it was so embarrassing. There was a huge element of, I wonder if anyone else is doing it? I wasn’t ashamed, but it was still a secret.

Gian, 31

I first masturbated when I was like 11 or 12. Guys at school used to talk about it, but not really in detail. They would just pass around porno mags and I would look at them and was like, wow that’s boring. I was more into fantasizing. I started humping the bed one night, and then I just starting thinking about teachers at school and other people I had crushes on. I was like, cool that feels juicy. The first time I thought about my woodwork teacher. When I finished, I remember as clear as day saying out loud, "I’m a man." I’m pretty sure I said the same thing when I saw my first pubes too.

I had Catholic guilt after, but then I did it again like 20 seconds after that. I saw that woodwork teacher in court years later when I was working there; he had got in trouble for fucking a student, sadly it wasn’t me.

Tony, 30

I was 14 and I knew masturbation was a thing, but I’d always struggled with the mechanics. The breakthrough happened at my friend’s house when we discovered his dad’s porn collection. His dad was a truck driver, so naturally, he had a big box of porn in his cupboard. But for some reason, he was into this very particular niche that exclusively featured naked women with penises photoshopped above their vaginas. I don’t think they were trans because all the penises had this very late 90s pixelated look about them. But anyway, my friend and I were poring through these photos and I was looking at all the vaginas and getting a little steamed up, and finally I was like, I need to figure this shit out.

I went to my friend’s bathroom and just rubbing it. At first, I was bored but I decided to persist. So, I did and after a few minutes I was into it and after a few more I had finished all over the floor. I remember thinking wow, I must never do that again. But of course, I stuck to that resolution for about five hours, then jerked it consistently for the next 10 years.

*Names have been changed.

Follow Wendy Syfret on Twitter.

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via Vice http://bit.ly/2lND6hA

July 17, 2017 at 12:20PM

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